Sunday, March 18, 2007

Do you know where that has been?


In the spirit of ongoing, dog-loving, fun...
I love when dog owners get all lovey dovey with their canine friends. They pet, kiss, hug, their little furry bundles of joy. Personally, it grosses me out. I mean, yuck! They're beasts! They do nasty things on a regular, constant basis, then you want to hug them? kiss them? let them lick your face? Oh man....no thanks!

On various instances at the homes of many different friends, their dog will jump up on me in search of the same affection their master's give them. I reserve the right to shove them off in such a way that they never want attention from mean ole' Tony again! I won't abuse them, just mark my territory- in a much more civilized way than they do- a clear and decisive tone coupled with a memorable, firm, stiff arm (then a quick break for some hand sanitizer).

Then, to top it off, the dog will lick my poor, short, defenseless children. The dog owner will usually chuckle and say something like- "oh my...isn't that cute...I hope you don't mind?" Do I mind? Are you serious? You don't find that nasty? You better believe I mind! You might as well stick my kid's head in a toilet or make them eat some two-day old, festering chunk of meat out the garbage can. It's seriously foul! The above picture states the honest truth.

I can't wait to hear the responses to this!

13 comments:

M. Jay Bennett said...

What about Tiny? You gotta love Tiny. After all he has much much smaller and fewer cooties than most dogs.

JON MEYERS said...

AMEN Brother! You are preaching to the choir!

Where are the manners of those masters?

AJF said...

Tiny is most definitely entertaining, however, he emits some kind of nasty, fish-smelling, oily substance when he's nervous- which is all the time. He then proceeds to lick it off. Sorry, even Tiny has a nastiness factor!

Frontier Forest said...

Wow Tony, know you went from didactic preachen' to down-right meddlen'! What’s worse, I heard a horrible rumor from a very reliable source, the Great Duke, the one and only giant......... John Wayne, is not your movie mentor! How could this be ture?

AJF said...

Sorry, the guy just couldn't act.

M. Jay Bennett said...

For a Sicilian to be worried about getting his hands dirty seems a bit oxymoronic to me. :-)

AJF said...

"Dons" have others do their dirty work....

Kampfgruppe Hoppa said...

Pastor T,
One place you'd do well in is the Republic of Korea. There's very few, and I mean very few dogs walkin' about. Rumor is they're mostly in the kettle pot boiling away. I hear dog tastes like chiken.

greystone said...

Not all dog owners let their dogs slobber all over their guests, but some owners don't understand: the dog is most when its not the host. :)

AJF said...

Korea sounds good in that light. I'm sure a little buffalo sauce and bleu cheese would make ole' fido pretty tasty. I'm open to it for sure.

Frontier Forest said...

Okay Tony, how about the mongral dog that found the lost Boy Scout?
Don't you think you would invite him into your abode to slobber all over you?

AJF said...

Fair enough Woodster! I was very relieved to see the young boy scout was found and further grateful for the dog who found him. Still, I don't think I'd celebrate by sticking my head in a toilet or jumping in to a dumpster full of decaying refuse.

Daren said...

You should have noticed that Bruiser is quite well-mannered. No intense licking like many other pooches. Sure he is curious but we keep him well trained and controlled. Your indictment is meant more for owners than dogs. Dogs will be dogs. Owners should control.