Friday, January 25, 2008

Braddock VS Rambo

Running the risk of sounding presumptuous, this may be my most profound, thought-provoking, insightful, culture-changing posts ever.

Key to deciding which candidate to back for president is the opinion of two pop-icons from the 1980's (and beyond, thanks to Stallone). As previously noted, Chuck Norris is backing Mike Huckabee for president while Sylvester Stallone has recently announced he is backing John McCain.

This causes me some indecision because I am such a fan of both of their fictional Vietnam vet war hero roles, Norris as Colonel James Braddock from the Missing in Action films of the 80's and Stallone as John Rambo from the First Blood/Rambo films also of the 80's (the fourth installment has just been released today!). Norris' role as "Texas Ranger" is lame, so erase that from your mind. Stallone's role as Rocky was O.K., for the first film, not the next 5. Never mind Rocky Balboa when determining credibility concerning the endorsement of a presidential candidate.

So, the most important question that will determine who to support- who would win in a fight between Braddock or Rambo? This is a clear indication of who to vote for. Be sure to answer on the poll question to the right.

Colonel James Braddock (Chuck Norris)

- An American officer who spent seven years in a North Vietnamese POW camp, then escaped

- returns to Vietnam to find American soldiers listed as missing in action during the Vietnam War.

- He launches a mission deep into the jungle to free the American POWs from the vicious General Trau

- There are three films (Missing in Action I, II, III), all follow the same basic plot line.

- Highlight: Other than destroying whole Vietnamese platoons single-handily, Braddock once has a burlap bag containing a hungry, flesh-eating rat tied on his head and managed to kill the rat with his mouth! Dang.

Green Beret John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone)

- A former member of the US Army's Green Berets who fought in Vietnam and was a Medal of Honor recipient for his actions there (he ate stuff that would make a billy goat puke...according to Col. Trautman)

- Rambo has difficulty adjusting to civilian life after returning to the U.S. and wanders the country as a drifter.

- Rambo runs afoul of the sheriff of a small town called Hope and retreats to the mountains to hide from the sheriff and his men

- The whole first film is Rambo fighting against hundreds of men using his elite jungle fighting skills to essentially destroy the whole town.

- There are initially 3 films also, but a fourth is actually being released today. The second two films involve a return to Vietnam (Missing in Action style) to free POW's, and a trip to Afghanistan to free Col. Trautman. Same plot in all the movies. Lot's of Rambo war fare.

- Highlight: Tough to pick just one. My favorite is Rambo taking down a helicopter with an explosive-tipped arrow. He also took down a Soviet gunship with a bazooka...very cool. One of the great quotes of all time comes from Col. Trautman when local authorities told him they were sending 200 men after Rambo in the mountains. Trautman replied- "if you send that many men, you better bring a lot of body bags". Classic stuff.

O.K., who's tougher? Wow. That's hard. Off the cuff I'm going to say Rambo. Here's my reasoning- he was never captured by the Vietnamese for a long time (just a little torture), he was awesome with a bow and arrow, and he had a very inspirational speech at the end of the first film. Braddock, who I think is smarter than Rambo and was a better master of martial arts, just wasn't quite as destructive as Rambo, so I give the edge to John. Now, here's the rub- I think Norris takes Stallone in an actual dual today. After all, Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink...Chuck Norris does not sleep, He waits...Chuck Norris does not get frostbite, Chuck Norris bites frost...Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship...but I digress. Stallone is five foot nothing and a south paw to boot. Stallone on steroids at age 60 aside, Norris would definitely take him.

So, Stallone is for McCain (a real former POW), Norris is for Huckabee. Rambo could take Braddock but Norris could take Stallone.
Man am I torn. How about you? Answer the poll to the right.


malcolm said...

I refuse to vote. Read this and you will see why:
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take any *&$# from anybody.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Frontier Forest said...

Tony, to answer your question, “Who the toughest,” the answer is Neither Stallone or Norris! May I quote a bit of the candid humor from last nights Republican debate? When Huckabee was asked by Tim Russert about Norris outlandish comment on McCaine, being too old to be president, with Huckabee’s own jocularity, he commented, “I wasn’t about to disagree with Chuck Norris while he was standing next to me!” Then McCame popped back with, “I will sick my 95 year old mother on Norris and Stallone won’t have to lift a finger!” Very good debate and I think Romney is looking like he will be hard to beat!

M. Brandt said...

I'm so glad to see that you've read the Chuck Norris list - I was about to send you that link until I read to the bottom of the your post. I think my favorite has to be "Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs." I also like "Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas."

GUNNY said...

Would I muddy the waters by adding "Lone Wolf McQuade" and "Cobra" to the mix?

"You gonna kick my teeth out, Texas Ranger?"

"You're the disease. I'm the cure."

Incidentally, you came to mind last night at the Stars game, Tony. I took the kiddos and the "Buffalos" (as my girls called them) seemingly scored a goal. But after a lengthy review, it was waved off since it was deflected with a high stick.

The whole time I was yelling, "No goal! No goal! No goal!"

I remember thinking, "It's an inside joke with Tony, but he's not here to appreciate it."


Rick Calohan said...

Last night I made it official in case you did not hear it on the news wires I have now formally endorsed Senator John McCain to be Republican Presidential Nominee in 2008. This was a hard decision to make for me, but with Tancredo, Hunter, & Thompson gone, Senator McCain is at least for the moment policy wise the most CONSERVITIVE candidate left in the Presidential race. This campaign season I feel like Rocky after 15 rounds with Apollo Creed, and like Rambo, forgotten by my party.

A side note my wife Dorothy took the survey that was posted previously her results were Romney 56, McCain 49, Clinton and Huckabee 42, Obama, Giuliani, and Paul 35. Thank God, she will not be eligible to vote until she earns her citizenship in 2009.

AJF said...

It was a great victory for my struggling Buffalo Sabres, despite the ongoing bias toward Dallas. The Stars are having a great year, just what the league wants....

I am happy to hear you are teaching your daughter in the ways of hockey. Be sure to show them to become totally immersed in the culture of NHL hockey!

GUNNY said...

Danke for the tip.

We were fortunate enough to have a fight during the game, so that helped liven things up when the Stars had a big bag of nuthin' in the first period.

If the Stars could have won they would have been in 1st in their division going into the break, but they were certainly not the hungry team out there.

It was Buffalo with the eye of the tiger. Stallone must be their trainer or something.

How kind of the Stars to give Buff their first road win of the season.

Kampfgruppe-H said...

Rambo, hands down. He's fought US police officers, National guardsmen, North Vietnamese regulars, Viet Cong, Russians, Cubans, Russians again in Afghanistan, and now a group of sadistic Burmese soldiers (2008 movie 'Rambo'). My favorite line comes from 'First Blood:' Rambo to Trautman, "I'll give them a war they won't believe."

Anonymous said...

I agree. Braddock and Rambo are on equal footing with weapons . They were both trained Green Berets . Rambo might be stronger but Braddock is faster. What it really comes down too is the hand to hand combat. Braddock skill is more superior in hand to hand combat then Rambo. Braddocks martial art skills would destroy Rambo.