Running the risk of sounding presumptuous, this may be my most profound, thought-provoking, insightful, culture-changing posts ever.
Key to deciding which candidate to back for president is the opinion of two pop-icons from the 1980's (and beyond, thanks to Stallone). As previously noted, Chuck Norris is backing Mike Huckabee for president while Sylvester Stallone has recently announced he is backing John McCain.
This causes me some indecision because I am such a fan of both of their fictional Vietnam vet war hero roles, Norris as Colonel James Braddock from the Missing in Action films of the 80's and Stallone as John Rambo from the First Blood/Rambo films also of the 80's (the fourth installment has just been released today!). Norris' role as "Texas Ranger" is lame, so erase that from your mind. Stallone's role as Rocky was O.K., for the first film, not the next 5. Never mind Rocky Balboa when determining credibility concerning the endorsement of a presidential candidate.
So, the most important question that will determine who to support- who would win in a fight between Braddock or Rambo? This is a clear indication of who to vote for. Be sure to answer on the poll question to the right.
Colonel James Braddock (Chuck Norris)
- An American officer who spent seven years in a North Vietnamese POW camp, then escaped
- returns to Vietnam to find American soldiers listed as missing in action during the Vietnam War.
- He launches a mission deep into the jungle to free the American POWs from the vicious General Trau
- There are three films (Missing in Action I, II, III), all follow the same basic plot line.
- Highlight: Other than destroying whole Vietnamese platoons single-handily, Braddock once has a burlap bag containing a hungry, flesh-eating rat tied on his head and managed to kill the rat with his mouth! Dang.
Green Beret John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone)
- A former member of the US Army's Green Berets who fought in Vietnam and was a Medal of Honor recipient for his actions there (he ate stuff that would make a billy goat puke...according to Col. Trautman)
- Rambo has difficulty adjusting to civilian life after returning to the U.S. and wanders the country as a drifter.
- Rambo runs afoul of the sheriff of a small town called Hope and retreats to the mountains to hide from the sheriff and his men
- The whole first film is Rambo fighting against hundreds of men using his elite jungle fighting skills to essentially destroy the whole town.
- There are initially 3 films also, but a fourth is actually being released today. The second two films involve a return to Vietnam (Missing in Action style) to free POW's, and a trip to Afghanistan to free Col. Trautman. Same plot in all the movies. Lot's of Rambo war fare.
- Highlight: Tough to pick just one. My favorite is Rambo taking down a helicopter with an explosive-tipped arrow. He also took down a Soviet gunship with a bazooka...very cool. One of the great quotes of all time comes from Col. Trautman when local authorities told him they were sending 200 men after Rambo in the mountains. Trautman replied- "if you send that many men, you better bring a lot of body bags". Classic stuff.
O.K., who's tougher? Wow. That's hard. Off the cuff I'm going to say Rambo. Here's my reasoning- he was never captured by the Vietnamese for a long time (just a little torture), he was awesome with a bow and arrow, and he had a very inspirational speech at the end of the first film. Braddock, who I think is smarter than Rambo and was a better master of martial arts, just wasn't quite as destructive as Rambo, so I give the edge to John. Now, here's the rub- I think Norris takes Stallone in an actual dual today. After all, Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink...Chuck Norris does not sleep, He waits...Chuck Norris does not get frostbite, Chuck Norris bites frost...Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship...but I digress. Stallone is five foot nothing and a south paw to boot. Stallone on steroids at age 60 aside, Norris would definitely take him.
So, Stallone is for McCain (a real former POW), Norris is for Huckabee. Rambo could take Braddock but Norris could take Stallone.
Man am I torn. How about you? Answer the poll to the right.