Friday, January 18, 2008

New Element Discovered- Governmentium

Props to Greg for sending this to me. Pretty funny.

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


Frontier Forest said...

Tony, don’t forget, I'm from Oklahoma! I ain’t go no eyde of dem words you done wrote, but I figer it had to do with them politicians?

Jim said...

Are you posting about civil government, or church government?

AJF said...


Rick Calohan said...

Governmentium Peon perspective

• Six years, five months, 14 days U.S. Army
(1985-92 the lone supply clerk who ended the cold war.)

• Five years, eleven months, 10 days Inferno Revenue Service 1993-1998 (If ever the was to be an agency to be eliminated)

• Seven month, 20 days National Archives
(Yeah that history degree paid off now you can move boxes from point A to point B and back to point A because we had nothing better to do. 2002-2003)

• Four years, 11 months, 9 days Department of Education 2003-2007
(Reading to a Blind Investigator 64 bogus complaint from parents who did not have the guts to send their children to a private school or home school them.)

• Five months soon to be six months with Department of Homeland Security (I would tell you but then I would have to kill you.)

• 11 years, 5 months, 26 days as Civil Servant when you include my military service a total of 17 years, 11 months, 9 days out of the 22 years, 7 months, 17 days since I graduated from high school at the time of this writing
So why remain in Government Service, especially since I have not moved up to a moron? It is the only to ensure that every dollar that has is and shall be tax away from me comes directly back to me.

jeff in nj said...

We seem to have an especially high concentration of governmentium out here in new jersey. Maybe if I start digging a mine for it, I could retire at my ripe old age of 33. Oh, wait, I forgot governmentium actually has a very low value...