Monday, June 9, 2008

Tomato Rapture?


So I'm in line at Subway in downtown Dallas to get a half sub before my meeting starts in 15 minutes, and what do I not see available for my sandwich? TOMATOES! I was horrified. Why on earth would Subway have no tomatoes to put on my sub? I wondered if it was a Texas thing. The kind non-English speaking worker couldn't tell me what the deal was, so I gathered my anemic sub and staggered out of the establishment feeling very anxious and afraid. What could have happened to the tomatoes? I wondered if there was a rapture of tomatoes? Perhaps, the Great Tribulation was upon us and God was rapturing his most prized fruit? Scenarios filled my worried mind, I just couldn't figure out what was going on.

Then, just an hour ago, I was checking out the salad bar at the hotel I am staying at, thinking healthy before Creecy and Nathan arrive, and what do I not see again? TOMATOES! What's up? I really was wondering if these Texas people are so backwards they have not yet discovered the most glorious of all God's fruits. Worse yet, do these people simply have horrible taste and somehow legislate that restaurants can't have tomatoes? I mean, I think I'm in a state where there are still laws on the book that permit shooting people if they even look at your property funny. Certainly outlawing tomatoes is in the realm of possibility here?

Very dejected and apprehensively, I took the elevator up to my room and got online to check the news. Finally, an answer-

(Associated Press) ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — McDonald's said it has stopped serving sliced tomatoes in its restaurants over concerns about Salmonella food poisoning linked to uncooked tomatoes.

Spokeswoman Danya Proud said the world's largest hamburger chain has stopped serving sliced tomatoes on all of its sandwiches in the United States as a precaution until the source of the salmonella is known.

A statement from Proud said McDonald's will continue to serve grape tomatoes in its salads because no problems have been linked to that variety.

Salmonella food poisoning first linked to uncooked tomatoes has spread to 16 states, federal health officials say.

Investigations by the Texas and New Mexico Departments of Health and the U.S. Indian Health Service have tied 56 cases in Texas and 55 in New Mexico to raw, uncooked, tomatoes.

"We're seeing a steady increase," Deborah Busemeyer, New Mexico Department of Health communications director, said Saturday.

An additional 50 people have been sickened by the same Salmonella "Saintpaul" infection in Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Oregon, Utah, Virginia, Washington and Wisconsin, the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported.


Phew! I'm very sorry for the folks who were poisoned, but man am I glad to find out all the tomatoes in Texas haven't been raptured. I was sore afraid that I had been left behind. Hopefully this colossal crisis can be resolved very soon.

20 comments:

Laura said...

I'm feeling a little bit of bitterness towards the Great State that you are so blessed to be visiting...Plus, what are you doing eating at Subway and salad bars when you could, and should, be eating Tex-Mex!?!

Reepicheep said...

Laura, no bitterness here...I'm just a bit leery concerning the laws and me being a Yankee and all...

As for Tex-Mex, no thanks. I've had Taco Bell plenty of times and don't think it's that great.

jeff said...

I would just like to point out that there is no salmonella in either garlic or grapefruits.

Hey, do they even allow eye-talians down there?

GUNNY said...

Welcome to Dallas!

Dude, footlong meatball for 5 bones. Do it. Do it.

Enjoy the unseasonable coolness in the air while we got.

Lyle Burton said...

Since you are in the mind frame of the rapture, I recently saw a hilarious clip on YouTube featuring Randy Bonifield of Christ Community Church of Leawood. Its worth watching. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvB3FWk8Xss

Mike Licht said...

Aren't tomatoes poisonous anyway?

http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2008/06/10/poison-tomatoes/

Wayne said...

I wish we'd all been ready.

Frontier Forest said...

Pastor Tony, why didn’t you put some fine sprigs of fresh asparagus on your sub?

Hough said...

Don't tell anyone you are from New York, that is like saying you were Saddam's right hand man. They used to run PACE picante sauce commercials where some new yorker had sauce from new york and once this was discovered someone else would yell out, "Get a rope."

They sold alot of sauce.

Don't forget to go to gloria's El Salvadorian restaurant, they make great Mexican food.

Laura said...

I cannot believe you just called Taco Bell Tex-Mex. This is why they have those laws...in case we need to do something about those stinkin' yankees who just don't appreciate the arrogance!

Reepicheep said...

Brian and Laura, relax my dear "we've only been out of Texas once before moving to Kansas" friends,

I broke down today and went to the Caddillac Bar with Creecy. We got some good tasting Tex-Mex. There, I said it.

I will say I only got Tex-Mex there because they had no burgers.

Reepicheep said...

Mike,
Hilarious post.

pjw said...

Don't give Brian and Laura a hard time, Tony! I couldn't believe you thought Taco Bell was Tex-Mex, either! Like thinking Blue Bell Ice Cream is just like any other ice cream! And Brian's right--don't let on you're from Neeeew Yorrk, as they say it in that Pace commercial. You could disappear fast! (And I don't think they have asparagus in Texas! Unless it's fried.)

Big Sis #1 said...

I thought of you when I saw all of the tomato craziness. Maybe you can sell your own on the black market...

Reepicheep said...

Tex-Mex is basically various combos of the same 4-5 ingredients...just like Taco Bell.

I do love Texas angst. It cracks me up.

How can you tell if a Texan is married? There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

christianlady said...

Gross on that chewing tobacco, but funny nonetheless. Does it also apply to children? Would all the jeans in the laundrymat have circles in the back pockets?

Blessings!
Christianlady

pjw said...

Tony, you just csn't talk like that when you're in Texas! You're going to get raptured just like those tomatoes! (For instance, don't use the word "angst"--it's a dead giveaway that you're a Yankee!")

Reepicheep said...

Pat,
Thanks so much for reminding me! I forgot that I can't use big words like "angst" with Texans! My bad.

GUNNY said...

I was down at the Hyatt Regency today getting my lunch on with some PCA boys.

There were like tons of you jokers totally invading Dallas!

Talk about angstnessosity. Sheesh.

Reepicheep said...

Gunny,
stop fighting it..come on over to the dark side...you need to embrace a wider, fuller view of things...Did I ever tell you about the legend of a lord of the covenantal sith named Darth Calvin the wise?