Friday, September 26, 2008

Rant, Rave and Redneck Therapy


Allow me to rant a bit, this has been a frustrating week.

It began with my soccer team (I coach the Junior High/JV team at our school) losing two tough games on Monday and Tuesday. I also got out to hunt a couple mornings and didn't see a deer. One of the mornings I forgot my hunting boots so I slogged 1.5 miles in my indoor soccer shoes to get to my stand. I did have a shot at a coyote, but he caught me answering a text message right when I should have been at full draw ready to arrow his sorry hide. I forsee redneckery clashing with technology more and more.

The talk of the financial "bailout" reached a fever pitch a couple days ago (and continues at the time of this post) with all indicators pointing to the passage of some sort of disastrous appropriation to bail out reckless banks so Americans can continue to spend money they do not have and will not likely be able to repay. Careful consumers and companies be damned as reckless ones get rewarded for their carelessness and some made very rich. The constant fueling of our consumeristic excesses has riled me this week, I'll be honest. It won't be long before China owns our banks. Solomon wrote "the borrower is servant to the lender"-our current financial practices will bear that out in due time. just watch.

Then, last night, our church soccer team, RPC United, played one of our best games as a team only to be robbed by a blind referee. We came back from a three goal deficit, then scored what appeared to be the go ahead goal. After the ball hit the back of the goal (these indoor goals have a solid backstop only about 18 inches in to the goal itself) and came out. Everyone knew it went in, we started celebrating, the other team started walking back to center for kick-off and their goalie was sullen, yet the ref yelled "play on...no goal". We couldn't believe it. The game ended in a draw.

Tough week. Oh, my son also got his tonsils out this morning. Poor little guy. I hope the $100 worth of medicine the doctor made us buy helps him...

What's a guy to do when he's down? Well, that's easy- go to Cabela's! That's what I did after leaving Shari and Jordan at the hospital. I went and had an elk sandwich for lunch, looked over my sermon notes and took in the sights. What sights you ask? Well, this is NASCAR weekend at Kansas Speedway as the Camping World RV 400 presented by Coleman is in town. Cabela's is located across the street from the Speedway. The National Guard had all sorts of war machines on display in the parking lot to boot. You will never see a bigger gathering of rednecks than at a NASCAR event. The mixture of blackhawk helicopters, tanks, mullets, glasses of Bud, tight wranglers on fat guys, and steel tipped boots is a sight to behold for sure. In just 60 minutes at Cabela's I counted:

13 Mullets

2 Reverse mohawks

40-50 Varied NASCAR ball caps sporting favorite racers (including the long dead Dale Sr.)

15-20 Varied NASCAR t-shirts

Too much camo to count (and I'm not talking the merchandise on the racks)

4 Belt buckles big enough to fry an egg on

9 Pairs of cowboy boots
5 sleeveless t-shirts with accompanying "farmer's tans"

3-4 People wearing stone-washed jeans

4 Handlebar mustaches

8 Guys with a dip of chew ( I even watched one guy eat a burger with a dip of chew in his mouth...classic!)

Tons of tattoos, several with the Rebel (Confederate) flag


All of this was observed against the backdrop of various camo patterns, hunting paraphernalia, trophy mounts, racks of guns, rows of bows, and the sweet smell of cedar wood and Copenhagen.

For a brief moment I forgot the frustrating week this has been.

Observing redneck America is one of my favorite amusements. I call it Redneck Therapy.

8 comments:

Lyle Burton said...

My daughter Heidi, who lives in Birmingham, was teaching my three-year-old grandson to sing "Jesus Loves Me." She posted a video on her blog of him singing. He can clearly be heard singing "there are weeks, but He is strong". Whenever I have a week like you just had, I just try to remember that there are (and will be) weeks, but He is strong!

jeff said...

I'm so jealous. i'll have to take the 2 hour drive out to cabela's in PA soon. Although, it's probably not as good as yours with nascar in town!

We hope your son recovers quickly! Our oldest has pneumonia right now. Nothing like a sick kid!

Zach said...

Great post, Tony. However, my first impression upon seeing your lead photo was that your hunting adventures had put you on the trail of Bigfoot!

Qayaq said...

I guess I am not up on my "Redneck" fashions, what is a reverse Mohawk?

Reepicheep said...

Erick, think Roadwarrior Hawk.

It's the reverse of a traditional mohawk. A patch is shaved down the middle of your head and on the sides near teh ears.

barnezy said...

PRICELESS! But um.... Why you talkin bout my relatives that way?

malcolm said...

Only 9 pairs of cowboy boots in 60 minutes??? Big deal. Woodster and I are from Oklahoma. We would see more than that at our senior prom...with tuxedos. Oh, and I thought I was bald. I guess I have a reverse mohawk

Frontier Forest said...

I am jealous of anything that has hair, but this longhaired redneck is just gross! Still think the Turtle Man should run for president?