Monday, April 19, 2010

The truth about Asparagus?


I have eaten asparagus every possible way there is to eat it. Blanched, stir-fried, baked, roasted, broiled, grilled, raw, with my eyes closed, nose plugged, and doused in all manner of gravies, sauces, and spices...it doesn't matter- Asparagus just plain tastes like crap no matter what. Don't anyone disagree with me- there's no arguing against this.

I want to like asparagus because there are less than four calories per spear, it’s low in calories, and is also one of the best sources of folic acid, not to mention a little fiber and protein, but the atrocious taste prohibits me.

I have come to a possible conclusion. I wonder, maybe asparagus was never meant to be eaten until mankind fell in to sin? Perhaps asparagus is a punishment for sin? Notice God's Word to Adam after his Fall in to sin by eating of the forbidden tree-

Genesis 3:17 And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field.


Could this explain the punishing, torturous, indeed cursed experience of eating asparagus?

13 comments:

Rick Calohan said...

I love sperage, and it sounds to me that you or whoever prepares it for you does not know how to cook it but could be you over cook it. Or the sperage you get is not fresh to begin with.

Try this use garlic and olive oil and let the olive oil and garlic take over, should take you no more than 5 minutes -10 tops depending if you have thin or thick variety start with a few not a lot and see the difference. If I am wrong which I doubt then see a doctor you might have a taste bud disorder. Or more precisely your blood type which is making asparagus difficult to swallow.

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Brother Titus said...

I love asparagus, even as a kid I liked it. But, I have to say that one time as an adult I had some fresh asparagus that gave me the runs. That hasn't stopped me from enjoying it every chance I can, though. But, it's expensive. There's your out.

Johnny Carson was the same way as you, about liver. He'd had it all kinds of ways, but it was still liver to him.

Anonymous said...

Plus it makes your pee smell funny.... :)

Emily V

Perry said...

I love asparagus! Seems like there's a theme here, pastor. But, if you're talking lima beans, bleeech! But, I can eat those as long as they're mixed in a salad, or something.

Zach said...

Tony, you are spot on here, my friend. Asparagus is in the same class of foods as broccoli. Both violate Zach's First Law of Vittles:

If the process of preparing a food produces an odor that can be mistaken for raw sewage, that food is inherently unfit for human consumption.

Ray and Janell said...

Tony, you are missing out, my friend. Asparagus is one of God's rich blessings from the earth, along with brussels sprouts, spinach, kale, okra, eggplant, cauliflower, broccoli, turnips and a dozen more delicious veggies. We fix the spears in multiple ways but our current favorite is to drizzle a bit of olive oil over the stalks on a cookie pan, sprinkle with some coarse kosher salt and bake. Mmmmmmmm … so good!

Reepicheep said...

Zach's first Law is right on and Asparagus DEFINITELY breaks it...

Ray- you just made me throw up in my mouth a little...

Brother Titus said...

Whoa! Oh, yeah, I forgot about okra. This won't be PC. Seeing that being dished up looks about as appetizing to me as if someone with a cold sneezed on a plate. It really does. As you can tell, I don't like okra. Praise the Lord I've never been a dinner guest of someone whose served it, either.

Anonymous said...

Pickled Asparagus

John D. Chitty said...

"Asparagus just plain tastes like crap no matter what. Don't anyone disagree with me- there's no arguing against this."

With this statement, you resemble my former fundamentalist mentors--stating an opinion as fact. I realize it's a low blow, but as a vegetable lover (although I'm still working on tomatoes), I'm obligated to stand up for its dignity.

Perhaps asparagus would taste better (or at least be a better experience for you) if you bit into it while imagining you are biting the head off of Archbald Asparagus from VeggieTales. Just a suggestion.

Perry said...

He may have you over a barrel about opinions, but,...,"still working on tomatoes"? As a Sicilian and a tomato grower, you ought to be all over that one.

classic mama said...

All I can say is that God made two kinds of people - those who adore His blessed gift of asparagus, and those who don't...

Woody Woodward said...

We ate plenty of mighty fine vege’s on our trip. Open Range Chicken was the meat and plenty of great fresh vegetables was a treat. And the fresh eggs were unbelievable in flavor. Ministering in North Moldova, the village of Dubasara, Pastor Valentine’s wife fixed me 8 fried eggs! No asparagus, but Daniel feed me bunches of his home grown tomatoes, (God’s Fruit of the vine) every meal. The soil is so rich, they can have fresh fruit, tomatoes and cucumbers in 30 days. During communist times, Moldova was known as “Russia’s Kitchen.”