For months, lo maybe years, I have taken cheap shots, surprise attacks, and outright massacres from my sons and their nerf guns. I have minded my own business and been taken out with merciless head shots. I have taken the higher road despite being ambushed in the middle of a deep sleep. I have sought to de-escalate the violence of manifold nerf gun assaults by trying to ignore the perpetual sound of a cocking plastic gun seconds before a barrage of styrofoam darts have pummeled me in the chest.
Today the injustice stops. No more Mr. Nice guy. Please notice the above gun. It is the Raider CS-35. For those of my readers not schooled in military/firearm language-The "35" stands for a carrying drum capacity of 35 rounds. I bought it today along with an extra 32 rounds to be stored in my front hoodie pocket for easy reloading.
Today at approximately 3:40 CST my boys will be dropped off from school by an unwitting accomplice to what will transpire. At approximately 3:41 CST the last of the boys will have passed the threshold of my front door. Seconds after the last son passes said threshold, I will burst forth from behind the piano and unleash a furious ambush like none other seen in this house nor witnessed in modern times anywhere.
The attack will be swift, relentless, merciless, and decisive. I will take no prisoners. They will be sorry they ever messed with me.