Sorry I haven't been posting too much lately. I have been busy with ministry and family, but that's not really the reason I've lagged on posting. I have started several posts only to quit writing.
Very honestly, I'm still grieving the loss of my father. I try to put his death out of my mind, but I think of it pretty consistently still six weeks later. In talking with folks who have gone through grief like this, I am dealing with something common but crappy. Everyone will have their time(s) to grieve in this sin-torn world. I try to dwell on good thoughts and memories about Dad, but such an exercise leads me right back to the memory of his death and the impossibility of interacting with him this side of heaven...and very honestly, right now heaven seems an awful long way away.
I think the relatively sudden nature of his passing and the gnawing feeling that things could have been different had a few medical decisions and actions been done differently make it tougher. Don't get me wrong for a second- I don't doubt God's will or sovereignty in any of this, but being human, I struggle to reconcile my feelings with what I know to be true about God.
As I shared with my congregation this past Sunday, being in the midst of a storm draws you to greater dependence on God. I definitely sense my helplessness apart from God and have been far more prayerful than ever before. My anchor continues to be Christ's ultimate victory over death. Christ the victor is my sure and wonderful hope.
So when the writer of Ecclesiastes wrote (3:4)-there's a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance- he never told us how long these periods go on. I'd really like to know such a thing...right now I can't really picture dancing, but I know God's Word is true.
I could say more, but I'm burned out on talking about it.